Friday, March 24, 2006
Baldwin Love
Oh yes, I will take all the Baldwins... whether they be greying, fat, bald, talented, untalented, married to a batshit crazy blonde (or not), or even Christian.
Alec - you and your ex-wife have problems. And, you're hilarious on SNL.
Daniel - you aren't very well-known, maybe for a little TV work.
William AKA Billy - you are possibly the hottest Baldwin and you married the blonde from Wilson Philips.
Stephen - ah Stephen. May I call you Steve? Jesus is your co-pilot.
Joseph - you appear to have a different daddy than your brothers; perhaps you are only a cousin.
One of these things is not like the other...
Friday, March 17, 2006
Sitting in the window at Canoe. 
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
More Tales From The Wedding
Regretfully we forgot to bring our camera to the reception. However, I took some pictures tonight to show you what we brought home, and how much of the "sliv", or, plum brandy is left.
Nick reminded me of another story from Saturday. I wore an Olsen pantsuit to the reception, consisting of a dressy jersey top with crystals on the front, and clingy wide-leg dress pants with sparkles at the bottom. Rather, the pants should've been clingy. They were when I bought them but they're looser now. Too loose, in fact. Nick said that during the folk dancing I kept dropping my partner's hand to hike up my pants. Because what with all the Serbian dancing, break dancing, falling on the floor, headspins and whatnot, apparently my pants were down around my vagina, and my top was up around my tits, and everyone got a splendid view of my Spanx Higher Power Panties (tm). All I can say is, elegant.
Regretfully we forgot to bring our camera to the reception. However, I took some pictures tonight to show you what we brought home, and how much of the "sliv", or, plum brandy is left.
Nick reminded me of another story from Saturday. I wore an Olsen pantsuit to the reception, consisting of a dressy jersey top with crystals on the front, and clingy wide-leg dress pants with sparkles at the bottom. Rather, the pants should've been clingy. They were when I bought them but they're looser now. Too loose, in fact. Nick said that during the folk dancing I kept dropping my partner's hand to hike up my pants. Because what with all the Serbian dancing, break dancing, falling on the floor, headspins and whatnot, apparently my pants were down around my vagina, and my top was up around my tits, and everyone got a splendid view of my Spanx Higher Power Panties (tm). All I can say is, elegant.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
The Black Tears Of Joy
My friends Diane and Gord celebrated their wedding on Saturday night. I was looking forward to this wedding more than anything. I'm proud to say, I set these guys up on a blind date a couple of years ago and obviously it all worked out!
They more or less eloped in Jamaica over Christmas and then on Saturday had the big reception for friends and family - almost 200 people in the church hall. I was particularly excited because Gord is Serbian and I've never been to a wedding that's not straight up mangicake white bread.
There were plum brandy shots as you came out of the receiving line... Mmmmm smooth and deadly. Nick actually said "I can smell that off you" after I'd had a few. It is by far the strongest thing I've ever had to drink. Forget those pansy-ass Greeks and their ouzo. This stuff will grow pubes where pubes aren't meant to grow.
And what with the 120 proof drinking comes the easy chatting up of strangers. And with the chatting up of strangers comes more shots...
When the DJ introduced the family and the happy couple I did my usual, which is to cry the black tears of joy. I cry because I love the idea of people being in love and getting married and the idea of their big day and their nervousness and their families all dolled up and everyone together celebrating. I cry because they take that leap of faith and because for some reason they see fit to include me. You can count on me to cry.
Then there was the Serbian band (3 dudes, 2 synthesizers - one to carry the tune and sound like an accordion, the other to do all the other instruments)... and most everyone got up and danced in a huge circle to Serbian music and Gord and Diane were hoisted in chairs... so emotional. More crying. And not drunk enough to join in.
Then there was food, food and more food. So good to have something on the stomach that was so amazingly delicious. Except, oops, there was a bottle of plum brandy on the table... ok, just a few more. Shanks.
Then there was plenty more dancing and music from the band and the DJ. The DJ I recall being very cute and I told him he had a face for radio.
I noticed some kids were break dancing. So, unfortunately for everyone, I joined them and was doing the worm and stuff. They pretty much ran away after I fell over a couple of times.
Then there was lots of fun 80's music and I danced up a storm alone. That's when my hair, which previously had been a perfectly styled lush cascade of silken gold, became a damp rat's nest which later hardened mercilessly. Ah yes SWEAT - "nature's hairspray". The bane of my wedding dancing. Well anyway, I did at least a half an hour of solid Serbian folk dancing with strangers. All this in 3" heels.
Then by some miracle more food was served in the 11pm buffet... Oh yes, the crackling pork, the special sausages, the cold cuts, the cheeses, the yummy yumminess. And me wanting to shove all the old folks out of the way because I'm drunk and hungry dammit! Can't you see by my hair that I need something on my stomach? Geez!
I think we left before midnight. I remember not a lot but you know I wasn't hung over the next day (those crafty serbs and their magical plum brandy!). But I was strangely stiff.
As the day wore on my back was more sore until later it was in spasms and I couldn't move! I was actually at the hockey rink for my 9pm game and unable to move... panicking... not sure what to do. So the league convener happened to be there and they got a goalie from the 8pm game to cover me (our game was a tie).
The next day I was in agonies and had to lie on the floor for a time. Again I experienced the spasms and unfortunately used the last of my oxycontin from the summer. Sweet sweet hillbilly heroin!
Nick bought me some of those pills that those stupid wooden marionettes are always popping - Robax. They're like baby aspirin.
Today I remember with joy my friends' reception and how welcome they made me feel.
Ziveli!
My friends Diane and Gord celebrated their wedding on Saturday night. I was looking forward to this wedding more than anything. I'm proud to say, I set these guys up on a blind date a couple of years ago and obviously it all worked out!
They more or less eloped in Jamaica over Christmas and then on Saturday had the big reception for friends and family - almost 200 people in the church hall. I was particularly excited because Gord is Serbian and I've never been to a wedding that's not straight up mangicake white bread.
There were plum brandy shots as you came out of the receiving line... Mmmmm smooth and deadly. Nick actually said "I can smell that off you" after I'd had a few. It is by far the strongest thing I've ever had to drink. Forget those pansy-ass Greeks and their ouzo. This stuff will grow pubes where pubes aren't meant to grow.
And what with the 120 proof drinking comes the easy chatting up of strangers. And with the chatting up of strangers comes more shots...
When the DJ introduced the family and the happy couple I did my usual, which is to cry the black tears of joy. I cry because I love the idea of people being in love and getting married and the idea of their big day and their nervousness and their families all dolled up and everyone together celebrating. I cry because they take that leap of faith and because for some reason they see fit to include me. You can count on me to cry.
Then there was the Serbian band (3 dudes, 2 synthesizers - one to carry the tune and sound like an accordion, the other to do all the other instruments)... and most everyone got up and danced in a huge circle to Serbian music and Gord and Diane were hoisted in chairs... so emotional. More crying. And not drunk enough to join in.
Then there was food, food and more food. So good to have something on the stomach that was so amazingly delicious. Except, oops, there was a bottle of plum brandy on the table... ok, just a few more. Shanks.
Then there was plenty more dancing and music from the band and the DJ. The DJ I recall being very cute and I told him he had a face for radio.
I noticed some kids were break dancing. So, unfortunately for everyone, I joined them and was doing the worm and stuff. They pretty much ran away after I fell over a couple of times.
Then there was lots of fun 80's music and I danced up a storm alone. That's when my hair, which previously had been a perfectly styled lush cascade of silken gold, became a damp rat's nest which later hardened mercilessly. Ah yes SWEAT - "nature's hairspray". The bane of my wedding dancing. Well anyway, I did at least a half an hour of solid Serbian folk dancing with strangers. All this in 3" heels.
Then by some miracle more food was served in the 11pm buffet... Oh yes, the crackling pork, the special sausages, the cold cuts, the cheeses, the yummy yumminess. And me wanting to shove all the old folks out of the way because I'm drunk and hungry dammit! Can't you see by my hair that I need something on my stomach? Geez!
I think we left before midnight. I remember not a lot but you know I wasn't hung over the next day (those crafty serbs and their magical plum brandy!). But I was strangely stiff.
As the day wore on my back was more sore until later it was in spasms and I couldn't move! I was actually at the hockey rink for my 9pm game and unable to move... panicking... not sure what to do. So the league convener happened to be there and they got a goalie from the 8pm game to cover me (our game was a tie).
The next day I was in agonies and had to lie on the floor for a time. Again I experienced the spasms and unfortunately used the last of my oxycontin from the summer. Sweet sweet hillbilly heroin!
Nick bought me some of those pills that those stupid wooden marionettes are always popping - Robax. They're like baby aspirin.
Today I remember with joy my friends' reception and how welcome they made me feel.
Ziveli!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Why I Love SEan
Because he sends me stuff. Stuff that makes me laugh out loud. And he is so smart. What has nothing to do with anything.
Because he sends me stuff. Stuff that makes me laugh out loud. And he is so smart. What has nothing to do with anything.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
NYC Snark
MAN, it's a snarky town:
"Thursday, March 3rd, noon, at that coffee place at Perry and 7th Ave, I sat next to Keri Russell. After always reading on this site how beautiful her skin is, gotta say I was disappointed. Dressed casually in jeans and can’t recall what kind of top. Was with some dude in a goatee (didn’t he get the memo?) and stringy hair who would be considered the coolest slacker in Lincoln, Nebraska. They drank coffee, read the Times and whispered shit back and forth. Yawn."
MAN, it's a snarky town:
"Thursday, March 3rd, noon, at that coffee place at Perry and 7th Ave, I sat next to Keri Russell. After always reading on this site how beautiful her skin is, gotta say I was disappointed. Dressed casually in jeans and can’t recall what kind of top. Was with some dude in a goatee (didn’t he get the memo?) and stringy hair who would be considered the coolest slacker in Lincoln, Nebraska. They drank coffee, read the Times and whispered shit back and forth. Yawn."
Transcript Needed
