Monday, October 25, 2004
The Sadness That Was My Joy
Currently my mother-in-law is so, so different than how my mother was when she got sick and old. One day when mom was sick but was still driving she called to tell me that she had a "new mobile phone" but that it wasn't working very well in the A&P. It turns out she had a new cordless phone. She still liked to carry it around in her purse even after I explained it wouldn't work outside of the house. Another time when she was quite sick she called to say the new TV we just installed in her bedroom wasn't working. When I went over I discovered she was trying to change the channels with a calculator. These kinds of things were happening all the time but mom was never hostile about them, just a little bewildered. More than anything she was worried about what would happen to Peter, who still lived at home. But generally she was just her sweet, sensible old self.
More and more Nick and I discuss his mother because she's in a living situation that really has to change soon. It's going to be stressful because she has this extra-challenging personality (no one's fault). One of these days we'll have to make decisions on her behalf, with or without her support. It'll be intense and demanding, to be sure.
I was thinking back to the things my mom used to do and say before she died. She never went through this super-crankified state of seniors' antagonism. Maybe that's why even though she was sick her death was still a surprise to me. Even though I knew it was coming, I didn't see it coming.
Mom was so the opposite of how my mother-in-law is now. My mom was sweet and complacent and a little confused. She had fears and worries, for sure, but it was obvious she had so much faith and trust in me, or else was just so damn tired, that she let me do things and make decisions and was actually grateful and happy about all of it
But my mother-in-law is just this vitriolic ball of anger. She's been hinting to her sons for years, literally, to help clean out her junky basement. Now that we're doing it she just seems so angry and frustrated about it all. I'm a little afraid because over the years her negative personality traits have just gotten stronger and stronger. Eventually she's going to be genuinely hard to deal with. I'm nervous that I'll (yet again) have to deal with a truly scary problem of this senior citizen whom no one likes to cross.
The thing is, though, I've already "dealt". Ultimately, I've dealt with both parents dying: I've physically looked after dying parents. I've arranged funerals. Made the million and one phone calls. Wrote all the thank-you-for-your-prayers-and-flowers cards. I've dealt with the angry and confused siblings. I've dealt with the estates, the government and the lawyers. I've gone to court to throw out the trustee and become the trustee. The most lasting thing I've had to deal with is my brother Peter who's mentally retarded. I deal with him, his issues, his administration, his quality of life, living arrangements, work, free time, his happiness, his triumphs, his limitations about 75% of the time. My husband lends really strong support and gives Peter an additional 25%, and that really keeps me sane. Peter's something I'll have to deal with the rest of my life.
So here comes my mother-in-law just getting more ga-ga each year. Every time I call or see her I get an earful of hate-on about someone or something, but I'm not sure what to do or how to help. She's turned into an old lady full of complaints.
Currently my mother-in-law is so, so different than how my mother was when she got sick and old. One day when mom was sick but was still driving she called to tell me that she had a "new mobile phone" but that it wasn't working very well in the A&P. It turns out she had a new cordless phone. She still liked to carry it around in her purse even after I explained it wouldn't work outside of the house. Another time when she was quite sick she called to say the new TV we just installed in her bedroom wasn't working. When I went over I discovered she was trying to change the channels with a calculator. These kinds of things were happening all the time but mom was never hostile about them, just a little bewildered. More than anything she was worried about what would happen to Peter, who still lived at home. But generally she was just her sweet, sensible old self.
More and more Nick and I discuss his mother because she's in a living situation that really has to change soon. It's going to be stressful because she has this extra-challenging personality (no one's fault). One of these days we'll have to make decisions on her behalf, with or without her support. It'll be intense and demanding, to be sure.
I was thinking back to the things my mom used to do and say before she died. She never went through this super-crankified state of seniors' antagonism. Maybe that's why even though she was sick her death was still a surprise to me. Even though I knew it was coming, I didn't see it coming.
Mom was so the opposite of how my mother-in-law is now. My mom was sweet and complacent and a little confused. She had fears and worries, for sure, but it was obvious she had so much faith and trust in me, or else was just so damn tired, that she let me do things and make decisions and was actually grateful and happy about all of it
But my mother-in-law is just this vitriolic ball of anger. She's been hinting to her sons for years, literally, to help clean out her junky basement. Now that we're doing it she just seems so angry and frustrated about it all. I'm a little afraid because over the years her negative personality traits have just gotten stronger and stronger. Eventually she's going to be genuinely hard to deal with. I'm nervous that I'll (yet again) have to deal with a truly scary problem of this senior citizen whom no one likes to cross.
The thing is, though, I've already "dealt". Ultimately, I've dealt with both parents dying: I've physically looked after dying parents. I've arranged funerals. Made the million and one phone calls. Wrote all the thank-you-for-your-prayers-and-flowers cards. I've dealt with the angry and confused siblings. I've dealt with the estates, the government and the lawyers. I've gone to court to throw out the trustee and become the trustee. The most lasting thing I've had to deal with is my brother Peter who's mentally retarded. I deal with him, his issues, his administration, his quality of life, living arrangements, work, free time, his happiness, his triumphs, his limitations about 75% of the time. My husband lends really strong support and gives Peter an additional 25%, and that really keeps me sane. Peter's something I'll have to deal with the rest of my life.
So here comes my mother-in-law just getting more ga-ga each year. Every time I call or see her I get an earful of hate-on about someone or something, but I'm not sure what to do or how to help. She's turned into an old lady full of complaints.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Best Celeb Sightings Ever
The Gawker Stalker never disappoints. I also apreciate good use of the "words" fugly (in reference to a pal walking with Isaac Mizrahi) and ginormo (in reference to one of the Olsen twins' eyes).
The Gawker Stalker never disappoints. I also apreciate good use of the "words" fugly (in reference to a pal walking with Isaac Mizrahi) and ginormo (in reference to one of the Olsen twins' eyes).
Texas Hold 'Em
Let me tell you about Texas Hold 'Em poker. Usually we go somewhere warm once (or twice) a year (as an aside, this is why we haven't ever engaged in any home improvement projects -- we're always spending our last dollars on travel). We almost always go to Mexico for that nothing sun vacay. After a long day of heat, pool, beer, ocean, fruity rum drinks, beach, buffet, reading, hammock, crazy 8's, naps, etc., sometimes you turn on the TV and watch what's on satellite. There's those movie channels we don't get like HBO and one called "America" or something like that (oops, no, USA. I knew it had something to do with a country). Oh yeah and Cinemax. Then there's the shows we never used to get like John Edward, which we were briefly addicted to. By the way, John Edward is a dead ringer for our friend Brad, no pun. Ooh, and the startling lack of real news -- so strange -- like living in a paradisical vacuum for a week.
And then... then there were Texas Hold 'Em poker tournaments on TV. It's so fun because it's like the kindergarten of card games. Easy like UNO. Or maybe even War. Someone shows you how to play once and you know it the rest of your life. You're dealt only 2 cards. There are 5 community cards dealt face up by the dealer. Between those 7 cards you make a hand.
What makes it fun (or funny) are the kooky personalities of the "professional" poker players, the "reveal cam" that stealthily displays the players' cards when they first peek at them, the huge bets, the mullets and other assorted hair-dos, the bad clothes, the second rate casinos, the B-list aura that surrounds the whole thing. It's like watching hillbillies... do stuff... for a while...
I can't explain except that the commentary keeps it moving, the bios are punchy and amusing and all in all it's not a bad way to spend an hour knocking back a couple of beers when there's not another thing on. It's watchable.
Then the celebrities started to play, and not just Ben Affleck. Celebrities started playing around the clock. Faux celebrities, stupid celebrities, and even decent celebrities whose work I have admired from time to time, like Sara Gilbert. What are you doing? Shannon Elizabeth and Dennis Rodman? Hell yes! But Stephen Root? Come on. Worse, it's hosted by Dave Foley which seems like a totally sad turn of events for him. Where's the centre square in all this?
Let me tell you about Texas Hold 'Em poker. Usually we go somewhere warm once (or twice) a year (as an aside, this is why we haven't ever engaged in any home improvement projects -- we're always spending our last dollars on travel). We almost always go to Mexico for that nothing sun vacay. After a long day of heat, pool, beer, ocean, fruity rum drinks, beach, buffet, reading, hammock, crazy 8's, naps, etc., sometimes you turn on the TV and watch what's on satellite. There's those movie channels we don't get like HBO and one called "America" or something like that (oops, no, USA. I knew it had something to do with a country). Oh yeah and Cinemax. Then there's the shows we never used to get like John Edward, which we were briefly addicted to. By the way, John Edward is a dead ringer for our friend Brad, no pun. Ooh, and the startling lack of real news -- so strange -- like living in a paradisical vacuum for a week.
And then... then there were Texas Hold 'Em poker tournaments on TV. It's so fun because it's like the kindergarten of card games. Easy like UNO. Or maybe even War. Someone shows you how to play once and you know it the rest of your life. You're dealt only 2 cards. There are 5 community cards dealt face up by the dealer. Between those 7 cards you make a hand.
What makes it fun (or funny) are the kooky personalities of the "professional" poker players, the "reveal cam" that stealthily displays the players' cards when they first peek at them, the huge bets, the mullets and other assorted hair-dos, the bad clothes, the second rate casinos, the B-list aura that surrounds the whole thing. It's like watching hillbillies... do stuff... for a while...
I can't explain except that the commentary keeps it moving, the bios are punchy and amusing and all in all it's not a bad way to spend an hour knocking back a couple of beers when there's not another thing on. It's watchable.
Then the celebrities started to play, and not just Ben Affleck. Celebrities started playing around the clock. Faux celebrities, stupid celebrities, and even decent celebrities whose work I have admired from time to time, like Sara Gilbert. What are you doing? Shannon Elizabeth and Dennis Rodman? Hell yes! But Stephen Root? Come on. Worse, it's hosted by Dave Foley which seems like a totally sad turn of events for him. Where's the centre square in all this?
Monday, October 18, 2004
Talk Cinema and Vera Drake
I went to my first Talk Cinema outing. I went alone - Sue couldn't go. This is a programme of films shown once a month for about 8 months. I arrived at the theatre about 8:15am thinking I would pop into my office to do a few things. I noticed at least 50 people already lined up at the theatre. The movie was supposed to start at 9:30am. I was surprised to learn people go early to save seats and stock up on the nice breakfast spread supplied by Starbucks. I went to my office anyway and skipped all that.
Around 9:15am I checked in and got a free bottle of water and settled into the front where I like to sit. After some series-welcoming preamble Vera Drake was screened. This movie depicts post-war London -- rationing, drab clothing, dreary cramped quarters. It reminded me of 10 Rillington Place in a lot of ways: location, time period, characters, home-style abortions and criminality. I didn't stay for the discussion after the screening, so I don't know if anyone else made this observation.
I hope all the movies are this good -- powerful, thought-provoking, interesting, well-acted.
I went to my first Talk Cinema outing. I went alone - Sue couldn't go. This is a programme of films shown once a month for about 8 months. I arrived at the theatre about 8:15am thinking I would pop into my office to do a few things. I noticed at least 50 people already lined up at the theatre. The movie was supposed to start at 9:30am. I was surprised to learn people go early to save seats and stock up on the nice breakfast spread supplied by Starbucks. I went to my office anyway and skipped all that.
Around 9:15am I checked in and got a free bottle of water and settled into the front where I like to sit. After some series-welcoming preamble Vera Drake was screened. This movie depicts post-war London -- rationing, drab clothing, dreary cramped quarters. It reminded me of 10 Rillington Place in a lot of ways: location, time period, characters, home-style abortions and criminality. I didn't stay for the discussion after the screening, so I don't know if anyone else made this observation.
I hope all the movies are this good -- powerful, thought-provoking, interesting, well-acted.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
More Cartoon Gaiety...
This is getting silly. I provided comments to the earlier post about the "mystery cartoon cavalcade" show of the early 70's hosted by Bill Lawrence / "Uncle Bill". It's so obscure it's not even found anywhere on the Internet. It could've been an old CBC show, but it also could've been a CHCH show since Bill Lawrence worked at both places as the weatherman and the Tiny Talent Time host respectively (I believe).
With that I tried out the new My Yahoo Search beta with things like
Too much fun and wasted time. All those cartoons today seem both square and bizarre-o. Like they couldn't exist today. My brother and I still reminisce about the Professor Kitzel cartoons... Abraham Lincoln creating muddy boot prints on the ceiling of the house as a prank to confuse his mother; 7-year-old Spartan boys being separated from their mothers and having to train to be warriors in the military state of Sparta. Good times.
This is getting silly. I provided comments to the earlier post about the "mystery cartoon cavalcade" show of the early 70's hosted by Bill Lawrence / "Uncle Bill". It's so obscure it's not even found anywhere on the Internet. It could've been an old CBC show, but it also could've been a CHCH show since Bill Lawrence worked at both places as the weatherman and the Tiny Talent Time host respectively (I believe).
With that I tried out the new My Yahoo Search beta with things like
- The New Adventures of Pinocchio
- The Tales of the Wizard of Oz (both are Rankin Bass)
- Gumby and Pokey
- Davy and Goliath
- Commander Tom
- Rocketship 7
- Big Blue Marble
- Zoom
- The Wonderful Stories of Professor Kitzel, etc.
Too much fun and wasted time. All those cartoons today seem both square and bizarre-o. Like they couldn't exist today. My brother and I still reminisce about the Professor Kitzel cartoons... Abraham Lincoln creating muddy boot prints on the ceiling of the house as a prank to confuse his mother; 7-year-old Spartan boys being separated from their mothers and having to train to be warriors in the military state of Sparta. Good times.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Fading Memories of Childhood Books
I searched and found a x-lib copy of Muffletumps: The Story Of Four Dolls. This was a much-loved book. There was something about it's weird, nonsensical narrative that appealed to me. Basically, a family goes on vacation every summer and some dolls in the attic that are packed in a trunk away come alive with odd consequences. At one point they eat soap... Compelling and cuckoo.
Then there was the ever-present Christian-themed books. Barry was about a brave St. Bernard. I believe there was even contact information so you could obtain a puppy that was a descendant of Barry. We were supposed to get a St. Bernard (which would've probably proven to the neighbours once and for all that we were the most Catholic family on the street). Instead my dad made a side deal with some guy and we got a Golden Retriever.
And the Little Golden Books -- again with leanings towards God, baby Jesus, manners and being obedient.
These books were looked at and read very often. I can't decide if they were favourites due to the content, or simply because they were just there.
I searched and found a x-lib copy of Muffletumps: The Story Of Four Dolls. This was a much-loved book. There was something about it's weird, nonsensical narrative that appealed to me. Basically, a family goes on vacation every summer and some dolls in the attic that are packed in a trunk away come alive with odd consequences. At one point they eat soap... Compelling and cuckoo.
Then there was the ever-present Christian-themed books. Barry was about a brave St. Bernard. I believe there was even contact information so you could obtain a puppy that was a descendant of Barry. We were supposed to get a St. Bernard (which would've probably proven to the neighbours once and for all that we were the most Catholic family on the street). Instead my dad made a side deal with some guy and we got a Golden Retriever.
And the Little Golden Books -- again with leanings towards God, baby Jesus, manners and being obedient.
These books were looked at and read very often. I can't decide if they were favourites due to the content, or simply because they were just there.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Dog Park Shocker
I am probably the youngest dog park regular. There's a gang of us that hang in the mornings while our dogs play, usually from 6:30am until 7:30am. Most of the gang are parents (some are grandparents, though they seem too young), usually of teenagers. This morning they were comparing truancy and drug / rave stories. I was shocked. Now, somehow I missed the whole rave thing from about 6-7 years ago. I wasn't too old but I just never went to one. Hence, I never took e or special k or any other rave-type drug. But the kids today... I'm tellin' ya. The gang compares stories of their teenagers' 3-day rave binges and how stupid their kids are becoming due to prolonged use of e. And then there's the truancy. Some of the teens are not in school, others go about a third of the time. Others are taking a semester off and sleeping their days away. One guy was paying his kid $40 to clean the house once a week, and it was thus the kid's rave drug money. I weep for tomorrow.
I am probably the youngest dog park regular. There's a gang of us that hang in the mornings while our dogs play, usually from 6:30am until 7:30am. Most of the gang are parents (some are grandparents, though they seem too young), usually of teenagers. This morning they were comparing truancy and drug / rave stories. I was shocked. Now, somehow I missed the whole rave thing from about 6-7 years ago. I wasn't too old but I just never went to one. Hence, I never took e or special k or any other rave-type drug. But the kids today... I'm tellin' ya. The gang compares stories of their teenagers' 3-day rave binges and how stupid their kids are becoming due to prolonged use of e. And then there's the truancy. Some of the teens are not in school, others go about a third of the time. Others are taking a semester off and sleeping their days away. One guy was paying his kid $40 to clean the house once a week, and it was thus the kid's rave drug money. I weep for tomorrow.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Girl, Don't Go Away Mad, Girl, Just Go Away
Further to this problem I am having with a girlfriend, Salon just did a piece about girlfriends being the new husbands. All I can say is that everything I feel is the exact opposite of what this writer says. For me, husbands are the new husbands. Some girlfriends are the new bitch-baggage in your life that you need to ditch permanently at left luggage.
The girlfriends I have are great. But the one in question is the one I see the most, speak to the most. She's the one I need a long break from. Nick said something interesting. He said "she needs you more than you need her." I thought that was sad. I also thought it was true. Another observation I made was that I would rather dump this friend than confront her about anything at all. I would rather walk away than explain.
Further to this problem I am having with a girlfriend, Salon just did a piece about girlfriends being the new husbands. All I can say is that everything I feel is the exact opposite of what this writer says. For me, husbands are the new husbands. Some girlfriends are the new bitch-baggage in your life that you need to ditch permanently at left luggage.
The girlfriends I have are great. But the one in question is the one I see the most, speak to the most. She's the one I need a long break from. Nick said something interesting. He said "she needs you more than you need her." I thought that was sad. I also thought it was true. Another observation I made was that I would rather dump this friend than confront her about anything at all. I would rather walk away than explain.
