Go Betty

What About My Desert Boots?

I got desert boots on the weekend. My 3rd pair since 1983. They are chunky and boy-ish and I love them. My first pair were from the dreadful Circle Shoes in Toronto. My mom just hated them. They died sometime in high school when the crepe-y sole started to come away from the suede upper. I think she threw them out. My second pair were a weird desert boot redux model from Roots. They were dark coppery-brown and did up with a single velcro strap. They garnered lots of strange looks at Dalhousie. They also died... I wore them a lot in the snow.

Where are all my prepster 80's clothes and things anyway? Where are my dozen or so Benetton sweaters? Where are my red Sperry topsiders? What happened to all my stuff?

Yea September!

I just love September Vogue, which is out right now and the biggest one yet. I've managed to flip through it once and I read one article (the one about the chick with the retarded sister). Another good September thing will be the relative end of this crappoid non-summer. Break out the sweaters and fashion boots. Turn on the fireplace. Wade through some leaves. Wear a scarf but no jacket. Pull up the garden.

Bad Song, Good Link

That "We're Didn't Start The Fire" song by Billy Joel is annotated well here (link via popculturejunkmail). But it's still a crap song, and, excuse me, but they DID start the fire.

Trilogy Actress On Crack
From Page Six: Which actress who starred in a blockbuster movie trilogy has been spotted at grungy downtown nightspots smoking crack? The soused starlet invited a fellow patron to take a hit in the bathroom, but was politely turned down when distinctive white crack smoke billowed from her glass pipe. Dazed but unfazed, she turned her attention back to her pipe and took another hit. Just who IN THE HELL is this? My guesses: Liv Tyler - Nathalie Portman - Sigourney Weaver - Carrie Fisher - Carrie Moss - Cate Blanchet

Things To Do When Husband Is Away

My hub is going to be in Baltimore with his dad this weekend eating crabs and prime rib, drinking watery American beer, watching baseball at Camden Yards, staying in a fancy hotel and basically having a gay old time.

What should I do? ... Take dog to beach; Bring friend who might have West Nile Virus the good Vietnamese chicken noodle soup from my hood (she finds out today what virus she has She might also have walking pneumonia, mono or TB; She is really quite sick); Check out J-Town (Maybe they carry the soap); Play UNO; See movies; Pimp ride; Walk; Think about going to CNE but likely will not go; See important rugby game; See Todd's Lunch -- sorry this is a good comedy troupe who perform around Toronto but they have no real web presence... They are performing this Sun. Aug. 22, 8:30pm at the Poor Alex Theatre on Brunswick St. just south of Bloor on the west side...

Fuck Christmas

We are officially taking a break from Christmas this year, going here instead Dec. 19 - 26. We invited all our pals without children (it is an adult-only resort). I'll be really into it once I get over the guilt.

Big Ups To Me and Mine

Word.

Falling Asleep in Business Meetings

Oh, it fuckin' sucks. Partially because it's embarassing to be nodding off in front of your boss, and partially because I wanna take a nap, damnit! Dangerous moments are meetings that begin around 1pm, meetings that take more than an hour, meetings in darkened rooms, meetings in warm rooms, and meetings that are boring, i.e, ALL MEETINGS. Oh well, at least there were no clients around today when I was nodding off.

Survivor 9 - Vanuatu

It's back! I love reading the bios and favourites of the contestants. In Favourites, how come they have "cereal" as a category? And why are "cookies" and "candy bars" not in the "snack foods" category? Here are mine:

Colors - All; Could never pick just one
Scents - Rain; baking; Creed perfumes; Amarone wine
--> New Category SOUNDS - When the cat snores; When someone laughs
Flowers - Calla lilies; Roses; Hydrangea
Board Games - Any as long as we're drinking and / or it's raining outside and / or we're at someone's cottage
Video Games - Caesar III but not really
Sports to Play - Hockey
Sports Teams - Any hockey; Any rugby; Any baseball; Any Olympic coverage
Outdoor Activities - Walking (especially the dog), Swimming, Horseback riding; Going for a drive; Exploring a new country
TV Shows - ET, CSI, The Amazing Race, Survivor, The Brady Bunch
Movies - Old movies; Jerry Maguire; Magnolia; Alien movies; Any Sci-Fi or Thriller
Actors - Will Smith; Tom Cruise; Jack Black; Bill Murray; Don Cheadle; Will Farrell
Actresses - Regina King; Charlize Theron; Jodie Foster
Music - Lots; Various
Magazines - People; In Touch; Us Weekly; Vanity Fair; Sept. issue of American Vogue
Authors - Too many
Cereals - Oatmeal with whole milk and brown sugar
Fruits - Mango; All
Snack Foods - Any chips and dip, particularly UTZ; Popcorn with butter and "shakes"; Gardetto's snack mix; Ju-Jubes; Olives; Combos; Homemade guacamole; Mrs. Renfro's green salsa; European cheeses... I excel here...
Cookies - Nutter Butters
Candy Bars - Any but none in particular; Would rather munch on salty things
Drinks - Red wine; White wine; Blender margaritas (lime); Mojitos
Non-Alcoholic - Fizzy mineral water; Any soda or soft drink

Everybody Have Fun Tonight

Everybody Wayne Chong tonight! Everybody Wayne Chong tonight!

Avoid The Village, or, Die M. Night Shamalamadingdong, Die

All spoilers ahead.

70s people in an "affected-by-violence" support group abandon modern society and hide in a dense wildlife preserve in order to create their own village life. To hide the truth about their existance from their offspring they teach children not to venture beyond the borders of the village by frightening them with stories of a terrible creature that inhabits the woods.

This movie is like a terrible film school version of The Wicker Man, starring the extras from Witness, written by the special ed. kids from your grammar school. Oh, and we used all our old Laura Ashley clothes and some Swedish country-cottage accessories from Ikea. And we pretended to speak from olden times. And we visited one too many medieval fayres.

First, how can Joaquin Phoenix be Sigourney Weaver's kid? And second, how can everything else suck so bad? Why are this guy's movies regressing?

Yes, the elders created the creatures, but who skinned the animals and painted the doors? I still have no clue. How come the whole joint was stuck in a modern day wildlife preserve and no one knew what was happening on the inside? Yes, I got that one of the elders (Walker) was rich in the 70's, but I never did clue into all the 'past life" hints, i.e., from the newspaper. How did they get all that scrap paper for Joaquin Phoenix's stupid notes? How come Ivy was so "scared" of the "creature" and killed it when she alone knew it had to have been someone from the village (Adrien Brody)? Why did the mild-mannered non-aggressive retarded guy have to be guilty of the crime?

In the Village I kept wanting aliens to jump out and reveal themselves -- go aliens! Eat the villagers! You should particularly savour William Hurt! I honestly thought there would be a spaceship in that hut instead of the "creature" costumes. I kept wanting an alien to punch out of Sigourney Weaver's chest. And then for William Hurt to go into sensory deprivation.

And come to think of it, why was Unbreakable so freakin' slow? And why was Signs so stupid?

Too Rugby

I still get all the rugby emails. Last weekend someone hosted a party but I was in London helping my sister. The Monday emails were hilarious: "Thanks for the great party guys! Sorry I vomited on your rug. Afterwards I slept in my car at that strip mall around the corner from Becky's and now my car smells! Ew!"

The Dirty Skirts

One of my hockey teams is called The Dirty Skirts. I don't know how I came up with that name, maybe it's something to do with Monica Lewinsky (although wasn't that some sort of dress?)... maybe it was just a play on "dirty girls". Anyhoo... Our captain Alexa writes hilarious wrap-ups after each game. We are on a roll. This was last night's wrap-up -- our first playoff game:

After much pre-game drama (would we sacrifice our limbs to the gods of hockey due to ice conditions?), the unstoppable darlings of the Corona Division served a 3 - 0 can of whoop ass to the hard-luck Pirates. Yes, another shutout for Melissa "Blood is Rushing to my Head" Francis. Sarong opened the scoring with a beauty that wrapped around the back of the net, followed by a game of dodge ball between Poodle and Hoop, fortunately resulting in the sweet whistle and outstretched arm of the Ref. Slip sealed the victory by sneaking the puck between the goalie's legs, available to her thanks to Kilt's tenacious rangling with the silent-but-deadly Pirate defenseman. The game also featured one of the best penalty kills ever witnessed in Rinx hockey history. Big love to Petticoat's brood who formed our enthusiastic fan base.

All the names on the shirts are types of skirts -- fun, but you hardly ever learn anyone's REAL name, which can be awkward over beers later.

Andy Dick is Too Fucking Funny

This account of Andy Dick freaking out in New York is too funny. Crying over Rick James' death, calling Joey Fatone "Fat One", smashing into Seth Green... Sorry, but I think celebrity alcohol-induced meltdowns are hilarious.

I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie

Big white booty in NYC.

I Bought the Soap. The Pope Smokes Dope.

I read at pamie.com (sorry, way off in her archives) that this soap was the best and I finally bought it because they finally ship to Canada now. Stay tuned re: the Japanese soap. Man I am vain about my skin or a sucker for everything re: cleansing, moisturizing, anti-aging.

Zone Times

I am doing this Zone food delivery thing. It is really good. No doubt it will sour for me soon, but for now the honeymoon period is still on. Overnight the food magically appears in a cooler by my front door. It is always a big mystery what comes each day. I could take the time to examine the menus and request special things but I have not, thus each day around 6am when I let the dog out and collect the food it is a small surprise and also a bit of a mystery. So far I've been eating a lot of salads with various sliced meats atop. Also there are a lot of egg whites. And lots of green beans seem to accompany things. But no doubt, it is good fresh food -- nicer than I myself would prepare, but I think you'd be pissed if you got such "plain" food served to you in a restaurant.

It is fascinating NOT to have to buy or prepare food. It has like... saved me hours of time each week. I love not cooking. I love not grocery shopping. Also, though this thing seems so damn expensive, I have a strong suspicion that it may basically be equal to the cost of all the food I bought anyway, including groceries and eating out.

I have lost 1 size, which feels good. I am less like the fat, mildly ugly Hilton sister I used to be, the one they never talk about.

Cinderella Man

Filming today, tomorrow 2 blocks from my house. The section of Queen Street East between Broadview and Degrassi has been transformed to look like the 30's or something. I don't really know the backstory but it's very interesting. One day last week Nick and I were driving east on Eastern Avenue past the studios and I happened to see dozens of old-fashioned cars parked in the outdoor lot and I said I bet those cars are for Cinderella Man. They were all of the Model T vintage and so very cool. Sure enough many are parked up and down Queen Street. At 7am this morning I walked through the location with the dog. No one was around except the dudes with walkie talkies and cops. It was so peaceful and quiet on Queen Street. I loved it. There were some backgrounders walking around in wardrobe -- they looked very good.

It reminds me of something in cinema that made me chuckle. I once saw this Jackie Chan movie in which there was a motorboat chase scene that was supposed to be around Manhattan, except the city of Vancouver and the Rockies were clearly visible. Cinderella Man will not be like that. The details of the location are amazing.

Goodbye Uncle Pat

I was talking about my Uncle Pat back in April 2004. He died on Saturday. It was a pretty fast thing. He was sick for 6 months from start to finish. What happened was that he had pain around his shoulder and trouble swallowing. A body scan revealed a tumour around his heart, pressing on a shoulder nerve and impeding peristalsis (food passing down the esophagus). Then followed chemo and terrible radiation that nearly killed him. Then some hope because the tumour shrank. Then some surgery and devastation when we learned that the tumour, previously contained, broke open and the cells were "free". Then I visited him in Raleigh NC and cooked and helped for a couple of days. We talked a lot. Then around the time I wrecked my knee he took this bad turn and went to the hospital, had to get a feeding tube directly into his stomach, morphine, etc. The last thing I said to him was "Goodbye, I love you, I will see you on the other side," and he laughed. They always laugh, even when I mean it.

It's a very Mormon belief by the way -- being reunited with your relatives in death.

I'm sad because I'm running out of relatives and in this case I was pretty close to my Uncle. I stayed with his family a lot around the time my dad was sick and then died. I looked after my cousins a lot. We always had holidays together and it was really the best part of Christmas.

And now's all the weird practical stuff like what's happening and when. Soon I have to have this awkward conversation with my Aunt to ask her to mail me a death certificate so that I can get some airline tickets fully refunded. And a couple of weeks ago when we were talking about bringing a body across the border and my advice was to "just get him cremated and bring the little bag of ashes in your purse on the plane". Lord.

To Dos for 2005

Learn to surf with my sister-in-law.

Get loaded with husband at Oktoberfest (not the one in Kitchener); Eat lots of wurst.

Renew vows with friends at hand; Wear white pantsuit and carry calla lilies; Then go to a celebration banquet; Eat 99 cent shrimp cocktails and have the roast beef special; Make cheesy toasts.

Audition for Jeopardy. I know I can beat that Mormon chimp.

Learn to drive standard.

Live in the sunshine.

Hey, Malkovich! Think fast!

Why be him? Oh shut up, you overrated sack of shit.

A First Time For Everything

I don't normally take cabs, but when I do, I always think what a good taxi force we have in Toronto. The drivers have always, always
been polite, and the cars are for the most part clean.

Today was different. I had to take a cab to go to an appointment about my knee. It was not a long fare. Due to this, the guy was a mean asshole to me from the start. He told me that I should walk (it was raining). Then he refused to take a twenty. He said in the rudest way "Check your purse!" He refused Interac. He refused a credit card until I said I would not pay him in that case. He turned the meter off so that I could not see the cost of the fare. Then he lied about the amount. He and his car stank of B.O. When I got out of the car, I stank too.

It's maddening.

Beck Taxi, car 01824. Complaints have been issued! Beware my irate letter-writing skills.